Untitled 75

I don't think there's room for me in this world. I just don't seem to fit in at all. I'm black but I'm "not black enough" for the black people at my school. I don't talk like I guess I'm "supposed to" or whatever. I don't dress like I'm "supposed to" I don't know how to do all those dances. Sure I know how to freak dance but I don't really know how to do the stuff you see in video's and stuff. And I've seen them dance at my school. Not to sound racist or whatever but it's like all the "White girls" freak dance but they don't seem to know what they're doing. All the "Black girls" not only freak dance and do it well but we or should I say they do all these other awesome things that I guess is sort of just part of our culture. But I can't do it... Plus they all know how to fight. I can fight sort of. I can kick some peoples asses but I know who I can and can't beat. I'm not about to get myself into anything I know for a fact I can't handle. If I think I can then bring it on. Adrenaline rush when I'm pissed comes in handy also. Plus I do what I have to to win. When I'm angry I lose it. I don't seem to have the confidence that most of the "black people" at my school have either. I don't fit in with my own people... I "act too white", But I don't really fit in there either. It seems like all you have to do when you're white is think you're all that, demand what you want and do whatever you have to to get it, be a whore sometimes, flip your long straight hair, pout, flutter your eyelashes, or cry and you get what you want or who you want. Seems like you can sit there and bask in fake misery pretend you don't know you're beautiful and guys flock to you. I can't go chill with the Asians they think I'm a wanna be because I like anime and manga and video games and I know a few little things in Chinese and Japanese (not much just random stuff that doesn't really form much of a sentence). I find the culture interesting and for that I guess I'm just a wannabe to them. I guess I'm a wanna be to everyone. I just don't fit in. I don't have enough fire to be black. I'm not enough of a tease to be white. I'm not smart enough to be Asian. I don't fit in with any of the stereotypical races. And that's great. But no one really want's someone like that. It's supposed to be so cool to not fit in. It's supposed to be really awesome when you find someone who's actually really truly genuine and original. But when you find that person there's no one else like them and they don't fit in. I'm just not good enough for this world. But I'm stuck here. They say death can save you. I don't want that. I'd rather live in misery than die to achieve a false sense of happiness.




It isn't right for me
to paint your picture every night...
But I do. The silent scream for freedom.
The voice of those who no one hears.
Tired of all the judgement.
People telling Truth and Lies,
Stories of love, lust, and passion.
Stories of hate, anger, and insanity.
Poets never cry, a view into the soul
departing into death, distorted lullabys.
If loving you is suicide I'm not afraid to die.
Drowning in shallow water 'cause I'm too deep to swim.
Painting visions with words, black on white crime
is spilling from a broken heart and mind.
'Cause when confusion lies
we're all drawn in, we all become so blind.
And in my bedroom secret screams,
a silent wish, a hidden dream.
I want to make the whole world see
the tears and blood in poetry
becomes the same flowing through me.
What you want might make you cry
but what you need might pass you by.
The lingering heart still cries on.
Poetic poison love is gone.
© 2005